Around 2019, I was living in a different city for studies. One afternoon, I skipped going to my institution. I don’t know why, but I felt this strange pull like something extraordinary had to happen that day.
I asked myself, “How do I even experience something extraordinary?”
That’s when I stumbled upon the concept of astral projection.
I’ll be honest I laughed. The idea that the soul could float above the body and watch itself? Ridiculous. The soul isn’t physical how could it move anywhere? I was skeptical to the point of mockery.
But something made me keep reading. A few videos said it’s only possible if you have some meditation experience. One of them had a comment from a woman suggesting a Facebook group where people talk about these things openly. Out of curiosity, I joined.
That same night, I tried meditating for the first time. Within two minutes, my eyes started squeezing shut involuntarily, my belly muscles tingled. Somehow I lasted 10 minutes and stopped.
I posted about it in the group.
The next day, someone replied. They asked what I felt and guessed things I hadn’t even said. That intrigued me. I messaged him privately and started learning from him slowly.
Eventually, I finished my studies, returned home, and waited for job offers. A few months later, I landed one and moved to a new city.
One day during lunch break, I noticed my fingers forming into unusual shapes. I didn’t even know what a mudra was. But it felt intentional. Back in my room, I sat and meditated using that same mudra. That’s when it started something flowing through my spine, all the way to my head. Blissful.
Within a few days, I felt like more hands were sprouting from my body. Not hallucinations just a sense.
Then COVID hit, and I returned to my hometown. That’s when things escalated.
My body would shiver uncontrollably. I started losing touch with normal sensations. One day I was watching a music video, and out of nowhere, I saw a Krishna-like figure rise out of the water alive, present. I told myself my brain was playing tricks. I dismissed it.
But days later, I had a vision: Krishna descending from the sky, arms outstretched, lifting me from a place of darkness and burial.
I wasn’t religious. Never had been. But this… this broke that frame.
I was born Vaishnav, and there’s a ritual called VEK we’re supposed to take before marriage. I had ignored it all my life. But after that vision, I felt the call and accepted the ritual.
Within 15 days, Krishna wasn’t just a vision he took over my sight.
I started seeing myself as feminine. I’d look in the mirror and not recognize my masculine body. I danced, swirled, dissolved in Krishna’s love. Nothing else felt real. Just me and him.
Emotion poured through me like I was the drain of the world’s grief. I was permanently heart-open, devoted, surrendered.
This lasted almost three years.
Then one night, the downward flow began. Suddenly. Violently.
Something in my nervous system was damaged. Emotion died. Masculinity returned, but in a hollow way. Kriya stopped. Energy that had been locked in my heart chakra shot up to my third eye and something clicked. I saw the entire structure. The interconnection between my being and everything else.
Eventually, things started balancing. Krishna was no longer a separate being or deity. He was me. He is me. Or rather, the whole field that had always been me.
Over time, Sri Chaitanya Dev began appearing more often than Krishna perhaps because Chaitanya is both Krishna and Radha. The totality. The union.
And I’m still in it.
Still journeying.
Still listening.
Still becoming… or un-becoming.
